Valentine's Day Doesn't Suck

I suck(ed) at Valentine's Day.

The following is a truncated version of an essay I published two years ago today. Enjoy!

I love changing my mind.

I get lifted when, upon being presented with new evidence, I cop to being wrong and embrace my new truth.

The bad news is that I am dead wrong with terrifying frequency; the good news is that I frequently can catch a buzz from my course correction.

So. I was wrong. Again. Valentine’s Day doesn’t suck. I suck at Valentine’s Day.

Until Tuesday, I was a hardcore Valentine’s Day cynic. It’s pretty much the same cheap brand of cynicism I bring to most holidays (and pop music and network television and social media and and and). I can be quick to dismiss and slow to embrace. It’s probably an ego thing.

But this week I changed my mind. Forthwith, I will embrace Valentine’s Day. You can too.

Okay. Fine. Commercialism. Hallmark. Price hikes on chocolates and flowers. Overzealous expectations. Crowded restaurants. The ominous history.

The death of St. Valentine — one of them, anyway. The Romans executed two men by that name on Feb. 14 of different years in the third century.

Oh, and incels. Valentine’s Day discriminates against incels, or so I heard some student argue in the high school hallway.

But another student asked me if Valentine’s Day is celebrated around the world. Ya see, some of these poor kids think I actually know shit, when all I know is that I don’t know shit.

So he and I pulled out our phones and investigated. We learned together. I would like to share three things we learned…

First, in Finland, Valentine's Day is called "Friend's Day" (or ystävänpäivä, which I cannot even begin to pronounce) and is a day to connect with dear friends, not significant others. Hell yes to Friends Day. Big ups to the Finns.

Second, rebellious Iranian youth celebrate Valentine’s Day despite authorities banning the celebrations as emblematic of “Westoxification.” Coffee shops and restaurants fill up with young people who, at great risk, celebrate and exchange red-colored, romantic gifts.

Love and freedom in Iran comes at a risk.

And lastly, from my failing New York Times, an excerpt from a 2019 piece called, A Valentine in Uncertain Times:

“The poet Ramin Mazhar, who wrote these lines in Farsi, was barely 5 years old when the United States invaded Afghanistan in 2001 to topple the Taliban’s oppressive regime.

Every step, every destination, I love you.
To spite the murderous traditions, I love you.
You are pious, your kisses are your prayer.
You are different, your kisses are your protest.
You are not afraid of love, of hope, of tomorrow.
I kiss you amid the Taliban, you are not afraid!

In the 18 years since, Mr. Mazhar and an entire generation of largely urban Afghans have grown up with all the basic liberties, including freedom of expression, that the Taliban had erased….

Even Valentine’s Day has taken on a tinge of protest. In the Afghan tradition, love is often expressed through flowery poetry. This year, artists and activists like Mr. Mazhar are using Valentine’s Day to offer verses of a different sort, raising their voices against any potential erosion of rights.

Mr. Mazhar read his poem in a small auditorium at Kabul University as an emblem of dissent. His message: The mostly older leaders who sat with the Taliban did not represent the values that shaped his generation. His friends were nervous, he said, that his poem’s criticism of conservative thinking might prompt someone to throw a shoe at his face. But to their surprise, the poem was received with loud applause in the packed hall.”

Kinda cool, right?

I found a YouTube video of a woman singing his poem. It’s kinda perfect.

Mazhar’s poem–and Gwagha’s musical rendition of it–is a heartening testament to the compulsion to celebrate love.

Luckily, we have a holiday for that.

And from now on, I will find my own way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. There won’t be chocolates or roses or hokey Hallmark cards. But cynicism be damned, there will be something.

Ostävänpäivä and Happy Belated Valentine’s Day y’all!

Love,

DL